One of these things just doesn't belong here

I forgot my husband's birthday! Not really...I have been celebrating his life this week and enjoying the fun instead of writing about it. So, happy birthday babe. I hope that you continue to feel loved and celebrated. Wyatt and I had fun visiting daddy's work on Wednesday to bring him balloons and breakfast!

I decided to try something different. Do you all remember the Sesame Street game, "one of these things just doesn't belong here"? I thought it would be fun to give you a list of adjectives and pick which ones don't "fit" D. Let's see if your list is the same as mine. Pick a word from each list that doesn't describe or represent Darin.

1. Dedicated, dancer, dangerous, delirious
2. Dependable, delightful, dumb, dad
3. Daring, daftly, dreamer, different
4. Def Leppard, dandy, darling, duce

My Better Half

... And you look at me
And give me that come-here-baby smile
It's all gonna be alright
You take my hand
You pull me close and you hold me tight

It's the sweet love that you give to me
That makes me believe we can make it through anything
'Cause when it all comes down
And I'm feeling like I'll never last
I just lean on you 'cause baby
You're my better half

These are just a few of the lyrics we sang along to this weekend at the Keith Urban concert. Believe it or not, this concert made one of the top 3 we have seen together including Coldplay and Def Leppard. The concert tickets were a Father's Day gift and the weekend away was part of a bday gift since my man is turning 39 this week! We had some of the best conversations we have ever had on our road trip and during dinner before the concert. It was fun to laugh and cry and even learn new things about each other. Sometimes it is hard for me to separate the conversations in my head from the conversations that truly happen...that being said, D and I had some catching up to do.

The last couple of weeks, my heart and mind have had some long conversations with God. The places where I have been emotionally have lead me to some ugly realizations.

I love the love that D has for me. I love the way he sees me and knows me. He is strong for me, but He is not designed to be my everything. I guess I realized recently that I have been demanding that he be my everything. You know what, he failed, and when he did I realized where I have been putting him. I set him up to fail. Yikes!

The best part about realizing this truth though is that I now have a chance to let D be my husband, God be God, and my friends be friends...and that is something to look forward to!

Moments like these...

Roughly 5 years ago, I was introduced to a 13 year old girl. From the outside looking in, I saw a quiet and hard teenager. As I began to know this young lady, I saw a slightly angry, scared, confused girl who covered her feelings with sarcasm, disdain, and a lot of black clothing.

To be honest, when I first met her, I felt a little intimidated. It was only my second year as a physical therapist, making it my first year working in pediatrics. Since pediatrics ranged from birth to 21 years old, I was used to having a lot of patients in the baby range up to 10 years old but working with a teenager was a newer area for me. I have always found communication to be easy for me...except in this case. She would sit there as I talked and look at me like I was a little crazy, nodding her head or giving me a short answer if my question required more than a simple "yes" or "no".

As I began to hear her story spoken in bits and pieces from her lips but primarily from her mom's, my heart sank low into my chest. The day before her 4th birthday, she was taken to the hospital with a sudden onset of severe physical symptoms. After extensive testing, they diagnosed her with Ependymoma-a tumor on her spinal cord. At that point, her oncologist told the family that they should begin to make preparations for a funeral since she would have very little time to live. Her family however had deep faith and believed that God could heal their precious little girl.

Fast forward 14 years and you meet one of my favorite patients of all time! The last 14 years have not been easy. Chemotherapy, wheelchairs, radiation, therapy, walking, no control of her lower body, walkers, jumping, standing frames, driving. If it feels a little sporadic, it is. Depending on the growth of the tumor and how much pressure it places on the spine determines what her level of mobility will be. The last 5 years in particular have had many highs and lows and as her physical body adjusts to the constant change, I have watched her faith grow through the questions she is willing to ask. What a joy it has been for me to be able to share a special friendship with her through all the ups and downs.

So, as I celebrate her graduation from high school and I celebrate 5 months of life with my precious son, I am reminded that I am truly blessed to experience the best of both worlds
between work and family!

YOU are not a martyr

That is what I yelled at my boss today over the phone! Well, that is how the internal dialog went in my head. D is in the middle of a guitar lesson and Wyatt is asleep otherwise I would vent to one of them, so the world wide web will just have to do!

Currently, I am cooling off and evaluating whether the flexibility that I have with my job right now is worth the price that I am paying for my mental sanity.

Since returning to my job on a contract basis, they have changed the pay periods. So, the first 3 weeks that I worked were supposed to go on a paycheck that I would be receiving (according to the paperwork) on June 1st. I am typically patient so when I didn't receive a paycheck in the mail on Wednesday, I left a message for the office manager to find out if they had indeed been mailed or was it still sitting at the office, waiting for me to come and pick it up?

Apparently they were mailed on the 1st, so yesterday (June 5th) when I checked the mail at noon and still had not received a check, I called my boss. "Well, everyone else received their's in fact, they have all been cashed." Hmmmm. She told me to check today (Saturday) and then to call her and if it had not arrived, she would cut me a check and meet me somewhere on Sunday.

I checked the mail...no paycheck, so I called and let her know that if she wanted to drop off a check at the office at some point, I would be willing to pick it up from there on Monday-so she didn't have to be inconvenienced. My boss, the martyr, was the one to call back today singing a different song. "I am leaving to go out of town tomorrow. I don't have the payroll information. I am sick. I am not returning to the office before I leave. You should check with the post office as to why it takes so long since the office manager told me once that it took a long time for something to get to you that she sent...etc." To which I respond, "Sounds like I will just have to see if I can transfer some money from savings."

She went on about how she would try but...

Typically, I do not like to vent on my blog but I feel a little better writing it out. The point is not that we don't have money or that we are in trouble, it's just the principle and the fact that I am tired of hearing the martyr role from her, it happens a lot!

The one in which I called myself a vixen

D has mastered the art of laughing at my word mix-ups, especially the ones now related to "pregnancy brain" and "mommy brain". At some point, last fall, I was trying to describe myself as a "pillar of strength", a "tower"...and the word that I used was vixen. After it came out, I knew that it wasn't right but I couldn't think of the word that would actually be appropriate for what I desired to describe.

Early this morning, I was laughing to myself when I thought about this line. I must have remembered it as I was feeling a little pride in the fact that I seemed to nip a cold in the bud. "I" managed to do this while operating on very little sleep this weekend since Wyatt's 4 month old shots seemed to take away his ability to sleep this time around!

Needless to say, sleep is feeling overrated at this point and I can guarantee that I will most likely come up with other clever words/phrases over the next few weeks!

D, Wyatt and I taking a family portrait after the shots...I love Wyatt's intense face!

Here I am holding my bundle of joy after the shots. He cried briefly but smiled soon after!

Here's daddy holding his 15lb, 13 oz boy who is 26 1/4 inches long!

Extravagent Love...My 1st Mother's Day

This is my 1st Mother's Day. In all honesty, I feel like having Wyatt is a gift in and of itself! My family however, had in mind more when it came to blessing me this weekend. Of course I was hoping for something special this year but I have been overwhelmed all week just thinking about how they expressed their love to me.

Here I am with a dozen roses that Darin brought home for me...they are 1/2 my height and gorgeous! It was so sweet to see the joy he had in giving these to me.

Before you blame Darin for this one, you can get onto my dad for the jump rope! The mother's day after I was born (6 months after my birth...my mother's 1st) my dad bought my mom a Mohamed Ali-ball baring jump rope so that she could lose the remainder of the weight that my mom still had after having me. Not good. My parents have now made a joke out of the gifts that my dad used to buy my mom on special occasions. My mom thought it would be fun to pass the jump rope onto me as a joke but they couldn't find the original and had to buy a new one.
***Disclaimer-My parents have both been very encouraging about how good I look after having Wyatt so this is not a slam on me but a continuation of a family joke. ***

Here we have a picture of all the additional blessings from mother's day. Flowers and bib from a friend, tea cup flowers and a special note from Wyatt (my mom), 2 new Pandora charms (one from my brother with Wyatt's birthstone and a blue bead from D to match "my boys'" eyes, and diamond stud earrings. The sentiment behind each of these was amazing!
My parents and D went in on the earrings together. In the card from my mom, she said "I wanted this 1st Mother's Day to show you extravagant love, and our Heavenly Father loves us more than this!"

Here's the best Mother-Son picture we got at the end of the day when Wyatt was a little bit tired and so was my hair ;)
Many thanks to my family for their extravagant love...I am overwhelmed! I have enjoyed every unforgettable moment of this special 1st Mother's Day.

My Ebenezer

Sunday evening, I was sitting on the couch next to D and I was surfing the computer with intent. As I landed on a site and was reading, D asked me what I was looking for. I looked at him, with tears welling up in my eyes and read, " an Ebenezer is a "stone of help", or a reminder of God's real, holy presence and divine aid."

Real, holy presence and divine aid. 15 weeks ago, I never would have imagined how God's real presence would be felt in my life. His aid, His faithfulness, His provision, is what has allowed me to stay at home 15 weeks. 1 week to get ready for Wyatt, and 14 to spend uninterrupted time getting to know him.

I remember a couple of years ago, T sharing with me about an Ebenezer. She reminded me that it is important to be able to look back and remember God's faithfulness. I know that Wyatt will always be a reminder of God's faithfulness, His provision for our family when I thought having 6 weeks off would be impossible. Just in case I am tempted to forget, I went and bought a "stone" to always remind me of His faithfulness at this time in my life. May I always remember...

Here is a picture of my new Pandora charm. D bought me the "little boy" and I "heart" you box for our anniversary this year.
Here is a "reminder" of what Wyatt and I felt at 7:15am Monday morning when we had to leave the house to meet with my boss about returning to work part-time!